Her doctor recommended an extensive mammogram. The mammogram "found something". But the doctor says he's seen lots of cancer and this isn't what it looks like, but we'll take a biopsy just to make sure.
Two days go by before we get "the call". She's happy that they called on Friday, this way we can find out the good news and won't have to worry about it all weekend. I know its nothing.
The nurse calls us back, says I'll get another chair so all of you can sit down. Allison's mom is with us. "Sit down"? Why do we need to sit down? His first words are "I'm sorry to have to tell you this...". The next 30 minutes they're talking and all I hear is blah blah cancer blah blah life expectancy blah blah blah...
Do we have a preference for a surgeon and an oncologist?? Why would we have a preference, we don't know why we're here. This can't be happening. MRI is scheduled for Monday, we'll get a more detailed report either Monday or Tuesday.
The ride home is pretty quiet, not much to say. I want to scream out, I want to cry, I want answers. We get home and go to the bedroom. A thousand tears later and its time to tell the kids. They both cry, not knowing (like us) what all this means and how its going to affect our family.
Word spreads pretty quickly...friends and family are calling, texting, emailing and Facebook-ing. So many prayers lifted, so many Bible verses offered. Yes, God is good and He IS a mighty God and He will deliver us. But right now its hard, its hard to pray. I start and then its just silence. God...hold me. I don't want Allison going through this. Give it to me! More tears.
Exhausted, we go to bed and sleep remarkably well (did I mention God is good?). Day 2 starts off sort of like any other day. Was it all just a dream? No, not a dream so there go a few more tears...
God, your strength is made perfect in my weakness...I confess my weakness before you now. I don't even know what to pray. I just want to wake up and see the sun shine again. Please, hold me. I trust you on this journey as it promises to be a difficult one. Carry me, and help me carry Allison. I love this woman Father that you've given me more than life. She's alot stronger than me Lord, but she needs your Hand of Comfort and Healing. I pray your Mercies and pray them in Jesus' name...amen.
1 comment:
When you don't know what to pray, know that your friends...no, FAMILY, are standing in the gap for you, Allison, Caylie, and Zach.
Your words are powerful, a testimony to how much you love Allison and how, even in your hurt and disbelief, you run to the only One who can hold you and give you comfort.
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