101 Things I Am Thankful For

A dear friend from church inspired me to generate a list of things I'm thankful for, it's miraculous therapy. Here's my attempt...we are so blessed...

1. A personal relationship with Jesus, my Savior

2. Allison, the most wonderful woman God ever created

3. Caylie & Zach, 2 of the greatest kids I know :)

4. 4 living parents who love us and love the Lord

5. Tony/Missy/Alex/Adam, my favorite inlaws :)

6. First Lyman, the coolest place in town

7. Scott, who coined "Let God Show Off"

8. Ricky, fly-est youth guy around

9. Jimbo, making Wednesdays my favorite day of the week

10. Wednesdays :)

11. iPhone 4 (yeah, 9th on the list this year)

12. Compassionate doctors

13. Ativan (Allison was loving that stuff)

14. Gas under $2.50

15. 5am prayer time, quiet and close to our Creator

16. Dogs that love me even when I've been a pain that day

17. Butterbeans

18. Joel, my best friend even after 39 years

19. College football

20. Coffee

21. Tennessee cabin with the family

22. Zac Brown Band

23. Bart Millard's Twitter feed

24. LetGodShowOff.blogspot.com

25. Max Lucado

26. Phillipians 4:6-7

27. Highlighters

28. Crunch 'n Munch

29. Chuck (the TV show, not you if your name is Chuck)

30. Getting punched when I make stripper music sounds in the doctor's office

31. Gas powered hedge trimmers

32. Air conditioning

33. Sweet tea

34. Jason's Deli

35. Bob (the guy at Mary Black that zero'd out a $792 bill)

36. Wifi

37. A clean Inbox

38. Pink rubber bracelets

39. Prayers lifted on my behalf

40. Fresh air

41. Faithful friends

42. Walking back from the mailbox with a handful of cards

43. My Sunday School class

44. Speed dial

45. Nexium

46. Katherine for inspiring me to do this again this year

47. Katie for motivating me to get in shape, you're my hero

48. Kevin and Lynn, you'll never know what you've meant to us this year (still suckas!)

49. Wireless keyboard and mouse

50. Grilling out on Saturday nights all year long

51. Not reaching many of my goals this year but motivated to set new ones for 2011

52. Pandora Radio

53. Christmas lights and Christmas music (except Little Drummer Boy, hate that song)

54. A daughter that can drive

55. A son that can cut grass

56. Sunday naps on my couch

57. Android

58. Lounge pants

59. Paramore

60. Warm toilet seats (just saying)

61. Black and white photographs

62. Orion's Belt

63. Tax refunds

64. Church ice

65. Sharing a birthday with Jesus and Jimmy Buffett

66. Smelling fresh cut grass in the summer and fireplaces in the winter

67. Publix

68. Chocolate shakes from Zaxby's

69. Apple (the company, not the fruit)

70. Apples (the fruit)

71. Reconnecting with old friends on Facebook

72. 20 dollar bills (I don't see them enough so I'm thankful when I do)

73. Acoustic guitar music

74. Teleworking

75. Walking downtown Greenville

76. SPF30

77. Mama's French Toast Breakfast from Cracker Barrel

78. Leaf blowers

79. Making lists and scratching things off

80. The Blind Side

81. Crazy Love - Francis Chan (It'll change your life)

82. "Joey" from Moe's

83. Music (WIDE range: MercyMe, Pink, Jack Johnson, Nickelback, Jason Aldean, Chris Tomlin, Vivaldi, you name it)

84. Orbit peppermint

85. Hilton Head (didn't get to go this year but it still holds a special place)

86. March Madness

87. Eating at Hardee's every Tuesday morning with Zach

88. Full closets, cabinets and refrigerator

89. Leftover Thanksgiving turkey sandwiches

90. Snow days

91. Nerds (the candy, not my friends) :)

92. DirecTV DVR

93. Reliable cars and a reliable mechanic (Wade) when they're not

94. The plans that God carries out for me that I'm never even aware of

95. Nightlights

96. Living in a simple little town like Lyman, SC

97. College GameDay on ESPN

98. Ashley's mac and cheese

99. El Mex

100.Post-it Notes

101.God's forgiveness

Thankful...

As we enter in to this Thanksgiving holiday I caught myself thinking about how sad this year has been, how things just haven't gone as well as we had hoped or planned...then God convicted me. "I do ALL things for your good" and "I hold you by your right hand."

Life never goes as we would have planned and praise God that it doesn't! If I was in charge, my life would be a total mess. So....thankful, that's how I need to react to everything that happens in my life.

I'm thankful for waking up this morning next to the most wonderful woman God ever created. I'm thankful for the 2 greatest kids a father could have. I'm thankful we have all 4 parents living, close by and very much a part of our lives. I'm thankful for a pastor who showed me that God loves "showing off". I'm thankful for a church where we can worship our Creator and experience our God in new and exciting ways each week.

I'm thankful for doctors and the wisdom God has given them to treat illnesses. I'm thankful for people around the world who have brought breast cancer into the spotlight. I'm thankful for trials, I'm closer to the Lord than ever before, closer to Allison than I ever imagined and closer to my family and friends than I ever thought possible. I'm thankful for the many prayers lifted on my behalf when we were too overwhelmed to pray.

I'm thankful for music, my iPhone and Andy Griffith re-runs. I'm thankful for butterbeans, french toast and sweet tea. I've learned that being thankful doesn't have to be about the big things: salvation (of which I'm eternally thankful), good health, family, etc. Being thankful for butterbeans is just as important and God is honored when we remain in a constant attitude of thanksgiving.

Next Wednesday Allison has another surgery, this time we pray all the cancer will be removed. That's next week. For now, I'm going to enjoy turkey, sweet potatoes and just maybe catch an Andy Griffith re-run, thank you Lord!

OK, we can handle this...

After the initial feeling of getting kicked in the gut Wednesday wore off, Thursday was pretty much life as "normal" (remember, we have a new "normal"). We got over our pity party and realized that this was just a tiny bump in the road and were determined to move on past it.

This morning we were to meet with Dr. Blouin and get more details on why a second surgery was needed and what that really meant. When Allison talked with her on Wednesday, she was in the hospital waiting room since her dad was having colon surgery (did I mention its been a bad year?). There she was in a crowded waiting room but feeling very much alone as she heard Dr. Blouin over the cell phone say we need to go in again. She was taken by surprise and couldn't form logical thoughts around what was happening....thus, our meeting this morning.

We arrived 20 minutes early like we normally do for all of these appointments. Hey, why can't we ever be on time to church? They call us back and I have one of those "here we go again" feelings. Dr. Blouin is running late the nurse says, she's still over at the hospital. We're instructed to sit tight and she'll be here in a few minutes. All the coffee I've had this morning is screaming at me so I decide to take a restroom break while we wait. After returning I'm suddenly terrified...all the exam doors are shut and I don't remember which one Allison is in! Pick the wrong door and I'm ruining someone's day! #2...I'm sure its #2...I look around, yeah, its gotta be #2. Thank goodness I see a familiar face, whew! Why I didn't knock first to make sure I have no idea, that could have been a train wreck! Anyway, right room, so we wait...

Dr. Blouin arrives and begins drawing on a notepad so we can better understand the situation. They take the cancer out and remove a "marginal" amount of good tissue from around the cancer. They then freeze that tissue and slice it into tiny sections to test. The initial test didn't show anything but then they run a separate set of tests and that test indicated Ductal Carcinoma In Situ. HUH?? That sounds bad! No, DCIS is a non-invasive form of cancer. Its not life threatening but left alone it could turn into an invasive cancer like the one they removed. It may take 5 years, it may take 50 years but eventually it can become a problem.

So on December 1 at 2:00pm we will go to Dr. Blouin's office (yay, no hospital!) and she'll remove more tissue and have it tested. We pray that the DCIS will not be present and we can move on to the next step of healing. She did say again that Allison would have to have radiation but that chemo is still unknown at this point. She is ordering another test today that will help make that decision. We pray also that chemo will not be necessary, but as we've said all along, not our will but God's will be done.

To top off this "positive" news, we got a call on the way home that Allison's dad was getting out of the hospital today, a day or 2 earlier than we originally thought. God has really been good to us today. Lord, help me to not take these good days for granted. I love the little brunette from Lyman that you've given me to spend my life with. Forgive me for not always showing her that. And thank you Lord for letting me choose door #2!

Blindside

Just when you think you've made the turn and see daylight, an unexpected event throws you off track. Today Allison talked with Dr. Blouin. The pathology reports came back, the good news is the lymph nodes are still negative. The bad news is there are signs that she didn't get enough out with the first surgery and wants Allison to come back in for another surgery. We meet with her at 8:30am Friday morning to find out more details and I guess schedule another surgery.

Maybe I've just been too cocky because things have gone so well. Up until now it seemed like everything was progessing positively. Good news every time we talked with a doctor. This was a kick in the stomach today. We'll know more Friday I guess.

Father, forgive me if I took any of these blessings for granted. Today's news is discouraging by I know You are in total control. I trust You, but I'm weak today and can't carry Allison...please carry us both. In Jesus' name...

Hurry Up and Wait!

So no news is good news I suppose...

Today was our long anticipated follow-up appointment with the surgeon, Dr. Blouin. "Long anticipated" may be stretching it a little seeing as how it was only a week ago that she had surgery. But nevertheless we were anticipating receiving good news today. News that the cancer had not spread and that chemo wouldn't be necessary. Instead we have to wait a few more days. Dr. Blouin said she would just call when the test results come back, no need to come in for another visit. Tiny victories.

Allison was ready to get the bandages off. The last couple of days they've really been bothering her. Itchy. Uncomfortable. Dr. Blouin said the two areas were healing nicely and freed her from her itchy friends. Tiny victories.

She's had such a tremendous attitude throughout all of this. I know this is a very serious disease but in some ways its just felt like a tiny bump in the road. Are we that naive? Are we that foolish? Or are we just confident that our Lord is carrying us and there's no need for anxiety? I hope its the latter.

I did still get to make the stripper music sounds when the nurse asked her to get undressed and put on that sexy little paper gown. Tiny victories! I still don't understand why she doesn't find that funny...it just doesn't get old to me! :) Lord, what in the world did this woman see in me and my immature, 10 year old sense of humor??

So, we wait...I'm still expecting and anticipating good news but I won't be completely at peace until we hear it with our own ears. We still also don't know what type of therapy she'll need and when that starts. We don't know too much at all really, just that we're thankful that everything so far has gone so well and that we have so many good friends and family continuing to lift us up in prayer. Tiny victories.

3 days...

3 days have now gone by since the surgery. 3 days. I've kind of been keeping time in a "BC/AD" sort of way, but in this case my "BC" is "before cancer", then "before surgery" (although "BS" doesn't sound very nice)...and now "after surgery". 3 days. I'm anxious for a thousand more.

The afternoon after surgery Allison was pretty much knocked out, lots of medication-induced sleep. But Friday and Saturday were just good ol' take it easy sort of days. Tylenol for pain, naps when needed and plenty of love from family and friends. A main source of anxiety for her now is that she's going to mess up her Weight Watchers with all the food that people are bringing over! "No honey, you don't look like you've gained weight"...how can husbands ever answer that question any other way?

She's such a superwoman...all that she's gone through, the mental as well as the physical, and her attitude is amazing. I definitely married "up". I'm not sure what I could have done so well that God would bless me with Superwoman.

So, I'm heading to church this morning, she's staying here and resting. I'm ready for all the "we're praying for you" hugs and "let us know if you need anything" handshakes. I am so very thankful for all my friends and family. Some people say these things without much of a thought of sincerity (like I have done so many times in the past) but I can honestly say that when I hear these words lately I know that people have meant it. Its one thing to say something, its quite another to say it from the heart. I'm blessed, please God never let me take any of it for granted.

The Day

4:30am - We're up. We prayed for a good night's rest, not so much. Allison was up a couple of times and I saw 2am and 3am come and go. We don't really feel nervous but apparently our bodies think otherwise. It's raining...perfect weather for what's going on today, its like the Heavens are sad in a way. Allison is doing all she can to herself without putting on makeup and hairspray, its funny in a way...I do love her.

6:00am - Time to go...we pray together one last time, hand it over to God, kiss and head out.

7:00am - We go to the business office, check in and they send us off to radiation. In radiation, they give her a shot, she says the needle didn't hurt but the stuff going in her is burning and hurts really bad. I hate that she's having to go through this. Mr. Personality (he must be married to Mrs. Personality from Cross Creek) sends us down a hallway, "take the elevator to the 2nd floor and check in". We take the elevator as instructed...whoa, ghost town. Lights are off, no one at all is around...maybe they're closed, let's just come back another day! I finally find a nurse who takes us to where we really should have gone. "We've moved some things around", she tells me, "he (Mr. Personality) really should have known".

8:15am - 2201, that will be our room number. A few nurses later and she has an IV and that sexy paper gown on. We're told that they'll be there at 9:45 to pick her up for her 10:15 surgery appointment. As we wait, Allison's dad arrives (her mom is already with us), Pastor Scott, Jim Carey (the famous music minister, not the actor) and my parents arrive. Scott lifts the most special prayer to God's ear as we hold hands. The Lord is truly carrying us at this point.

10:30am - They finally arrive to take her to surgery (45 minutes late isn't too bad I don't guess). We share a special moment and I pray a silent prayer..."Father, you've got her now, take care of her for me."

We file into the waiting room and well...we wait. At noon I'm feeling a little anxious but the nurse comes out to tell me that everything is going well and that they're waiting for the pathology reports to come back. We know that if this report shows cancer in the lymph nodes she'll need chemo...please God, don't let this report be bad.

12:30pm - Dr. Blouin comes out. She's smiling. (Yes! she's smiling)...."Everything went great and we were able to test 3 sentinel lymph nodes, they're all negative, no cancer"! As bad as it was 6 weeks ago to hear the doctor tell us "I hate to tell you this but....", hearing this from Dr. Blouin were the sweetest, most anticipated words in a long time. Praise the Lord!

I'm texting, emailing and Facebooking as quickly as I can...reply after reply begins bouncing back...there's nothing like witnessing prayers being answered.

1:15pm - A nurse arrives to take me back to recovery where my bride is resting. The first time I see her she's asleep and she's blue. "Uhhhh, did you know she's blue?" "Oh yeah, that's the dye, just wait til she pees!" (oh boy, something to look forward to later)

The nurse rattles off a list of a hundred do's and don'ts that I'm supposed to remember. "Do you have any questions"? "Yeah, can you come home with us and take care of her for me"?

2:00pm - Time to go home! I awkwardly try to dress her and her limo (i.e. black leather wheelchair) arrives. She's very woozy but is able to get in and out of the car. She's not nauseated which is great and she's actually hungry so her mom picks up some chicken noodle soup for her.

4:41pm - I've given her half a Lortab (because a whole one sends her into a 2 day coma) and I'm typing the events of the day. It feels like this day started 3 days ago. It still ceases to amaze me at how God's children have gathered around us during this trial. And I'm thanking God as I type, asking him to continue to Show Off and hoping that someone out there reading this might just realize that there IS Hope in this crazy mixed-up world. Nothing is too big or too difficult for our Creator.

We now have a new road ahead of us. We're supposed to have another appointment with Dr. Blouin in 7-10 days. At that time I guess we'll find out what steps of treatment she'll need or at least find out when we are supposed to talk with the oncologists. There's still a chance chemo may be ordered, so our prayer now is that it won't be necessary. We know radiation and probably Tamoxifen is in our future, we just hope chemo is not. But Father, not our will but Your will be done.

Home now, safe, cancer free...I think I may take the other half of that Lortab and join my bride in Slumberville.

Cross Creek Medical...not impressed...

We're beginning the toughest journey of our lives this week. Thursday is "the" day but today we had to pre-register (and pre-pay! good times!). We were instructed to go to #9 Cross Creek Medical Center, it was behind Greenville Memorial in what looked like offices that probably were semi-nice 20 years ago. The receptionist, a 125 year old smoker-lady, acknowledged us after several minutes. "She kinda looks like she's still wearing her Halloween mask", I tell Allison. She replies with a punch in the stomach. We're instructed to sit in a small, uncomfortable waiting room. After a few minutes we're called back and meet Miss Personality who quickly takes 500 of my hard earned dollars. "Are we done here?", I ask. "Oh no, you have another hour and a half". She introduces us to "Jason", the anesthesiologist's business manager. He looks like he's 15... "nice sweatshirt jacket".

We're sent back to the comfy waiting room and after a little while we're called back again. This time we meet "Leah". She was a refreshing change. Extremely helpful and answered all of our questions. Allison was fine with all of Leah's instructions until she heard the devastating news...."on the day of surgery you don't need to wear makeup or use hairspray". WHAT?!? "Well then I'm not coming!"

We're dealing with a very serious problem, a terrible disease but yet God's Grace allows our laughter to continue. He constantly puts people and situations in our path that take our mind off of the seriousness of the event. I love His sense of humor (most of the time).

So...anyway, we're all set. Thursday morning we are to arrive at Greenville Memorial at 7:00am. She is scheduled to have a sentinel node biopsy at 7:30am and then the actual lumpectomy at 10:15am. The operating room is scheduled until 12 noon but they say it won't take that long. She will have to rest for at least 1 hour after surgery. So, with any luck we'll be home before the kids get out of school!

In 48 hours the procedure will be over and healing can begin. Father, you are Sovereign. All things, ALL things come together in order that You receive glory. I pray you'll receive glory throughout this entire process. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful bride, remove this ugly cancer, never let it return and let us be a testimony for You. Thank you for each breath we take, each one is a gift from You...I love you Lord, in Jesus' name....