G-Day Minus 2

Today I sat on our deck in shorts, not something you generally do in February. It was 75 degrees and felt more like mid-Spring. I do this a lot in the summer, sometimes I read, sometimes I listen to music, other times I listen to God. Today I reflected...the last time I did this was last summer...I had no idea that just a few short months later Allison would be diagnosed with this terrible disease. As I watched the power of the wind blow the treetops it hit me that this same "power" is both healing Allison and also using this "opportunity" to draw others closer together and closer to Himself. Praise the Lord.

His power is limitless, we often imagine God as having human limits. I guess it makes us feel better to think we have God "figured out". But His Word tells us that He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. I never imagined my bride would be asleep on the couch not from wanting to enjoy a Sunday afternoon nap but from weeks of medications that has left her weak and unable to enjoy this Spring-like day with me. But even through this God is glorified. We can face any trial because He equips us to travel the road He chooses for us.

She had 2 pretty rough weeks after the last treatment but this past week has been filled with mostly good days. We don't take those for granted like we used to.

G-Day, "Graduation Day" is 2 days away. We know the next couple of weeks will not be easy. The previous 20 weeks haven't been easy either but SuperWoman made it through those just fine. The proverbial light is at the end of the tunnel and we can see the finish line. Today, the weather was incredible but Tuesday the Weatherman is calling for rays of Hope and continued Grace. Pretty corny, I know...but I'm so happy to be ending this part of the journey and entering into the next chapter.

Father, you're such a powerful and awesome God. You, who painted the zebra's stripes and gave tune to the birds also provide healing for the sick. The love of my life is sick and needs Your continued touch. I thank You in advance for your faithfulness, we love you, please carry us this week. In Jesus' name...

Overwhelmed (Part 2)

Just about the time I begin to think this trial has gone on too long for anyone else to remember, I’m overwhelmingly reminded that no one has forgotten about us. The day started with Cheryl dropping by my office to ask how Allison is doing. No one says “how’s your wife”, it’s always “how’s Allison”. These are people who have never met her, but everyone wants to know how “Allison” is doing. Before she left, she asked if she could pray for us, so right there in my office we prayed. As the day goes on 5 others stop by my office…. “How’s Allison”? Wow. And then right before I wrapped up the day’s activities and went home Jack dropped by. Jack is another brother in Christ who loves our Lord. “I just wanted to stop by and see you… how’s Allison?” We talked…he encouraged me, he said I encouraged him. Before he left, he asked if he could pray for us. Thank God for friends that love Jesus, huh? So, my work day started and ended with prayer. God is amazing, right when we need it, He provides His Grace and Comfort.

Allison is having a hard week this week. I guess the chemo is building on itself and its harder for her to get past the side effects. After the previous 2 treatments, she was able to work a full week. She has struggled to get through just 2 days this week. I feel so helpless and want to take all of this away from her. I want to give her that magic pill that will make her feel better.

As Jack and I talked today I realized that it has been almost 5 months since we found out about the BC. Again, amazing how God provides His Grace. If we had seen the road ahead of us back in September I’m not sure either of us would have made it. But today, looking back, I realized how far we had come and how many lives have been affected by our trial. People keep telling me they see Christ in us in the way we’ve handled this crisis. I’m so humbled, I don’t see it, but if God is getting the Glory then praise the Lord, that’s all that really matters right?

Father, this week has been a tough week, but you are made strong in our weakness. Father our weakness is very apparent right now and we call on you to “Show Off”… Help Allison get through “today” and then tomorrow we’ll ask the same thing…get her through “today”. Jehovah Rapha, you are the God who Heals and I praise you for the healing You’ve done and for the healing You’ll continue to do. I pray, expecting amazing things and I pray all this in Christ’ name…

Memorable Valentines

I honestly don't remember last Valentine's Day. Actually if I'm hard pressed I can't say that any Valentine's Day has been so memorable that I've kept it locked away. I know I should, I'm probably a bad husband for not remembering. I do think of myself as a hopeless romantic, its easy when you're married to your best friend. She's my queen, the reason I get up each day but I just don't have any recollections of special Valentine's Days. I've always done the "expected": gotten the card, maybe a tiny gift and a meal...the occasional flowers. But not this year.

I feel bad that I haven't done the "expected", but this Valentines is different and needs more than just the "expected". As I type this my Valentine is lying in bed, sick from the poison the doctors have filled her with in hopes that it kills the bad although sacrificing the good. She's had a rough week, but that was to be expected. We just keep telling ourselves "one more, one more".

I did get her a couple of Valentine's Day cards...one was a sweet, "I love you" type of thing. The other I hid in her medicine cabinet, knowing she'd see it when she opened the door this morning. It was "PG-13" and made her laugh. I love seeing her laugh, especially lately. They come fewer and farther between nowadays. But "one more"....

Yeah, obviously the circumstances of this Valentine's Day will make it easier to remember in the future but even with that I think the most memorable thing about this Valentine's Day is in our 21+ years of marriage I've never felt closer to her than I do right now. And I think a lot of it has to do with my attitude. We're typically selfish creatures by nature. I know all the love songs and self help books all say to put the spouse before yourself. But if I'm being honest with myself I don't know that I have truly ever put Allison before my own selfish motivations. I've tried and I'm sure I did a decent job on certain occasions but my overall lifestyle certainly didn't lend itself to her being #1. Sometimes God has a funny way of showing us what our priorities should be.

She is absolutely my first and most important priority in life, I just wish I had truly realized that 21 years ago. I think I "thought" she was but now I "know" better. I know what it means to truly serve my bride and I am loving and cherishing every minute of it. I look so forward to the day she feels better and can enjoy my serving. Right now I believe she thinks she's getting on my nerves! That couldn't be farther from the truth but its hard convincing her! All of this isn't easy, but I'm loving every minute. I love taking her to the doctor, I love getting her another Kleenex, I love learning how to wash clothes (yeah I've been a slacker in this area!).

So....Valentine's Day 2011...as difficult as it may be, it has become my most memorable Valentine's Day. Not solely because of the surrounding circumstances but because I have finally realized (truly realized) what a joy it is to serve my soulmate, to love my best friend and to cherish the part of my life that makes me completely whole.

Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD". I am certainly finding favor from my Lord, its evident...He allowed SuperWoman to marry me!

I love you Allison, with every ounce of my being. You are my rock and I praise our Father daily for you. Happy Valentine's Day!

3 Down, 1 To Go!!

Dare I post 2 optimistic blog entries back to back? Yes I dare! Today was Allison's "junior" chemo treatment. "Junior", not as in less stressful, less painful or less medicated but "junior" as in her 3rd of 4 treatments she's scheduled to endure.

With our "Father, help Allison today" prayer lifted we head out with our Chemo-Day Survival Kit: bottled water, crackers, chewy granola bars, bananas, books and iPad. As we head down the road my iPhone (boy, I sure like Apple stuff huh?) won't stop dinging from the texts, emails and Facebook messages. Prayer after prayer after prayer rings in as we drive. This never gets old. Our family and friends have stood in the gap for months, never growing wearing, never forgetting. Its still overwhelming, you would think we would sort of get used to it by now. But our eyes water daily from the well wishes, hugs and food.

And oh my goodness, the food! If Allison doesn't get better soon, I'm going to have to look for new clothes! I could never thank our faithful family and friends enough for looking out for us in this very practical way. Allison seriously hasn't had to worry about cooking a meal in weeks. Again, I remain overwhelmed.

As we get close to the office I notice a car in front of me...a very elderly lady is driving (if you want to call it that)...she's going like 13 MPH, stopping when she shouldn't and driving all over the yellow line. Finally she turns on her signal (thank goodness) and pulls into.........the EYE doctor....too funny. I almost pulled in behind her and offered to be a witness if the doctor disputed her claims that she couldn't see!

We arrive at the doctor's office and get called back. The "chemo" room is a big open room with multiple "chemo" chairs. For the first 2 treatments we were able to get the corner chair, so more for familiarity than anything else, we were hoping to get that same chair. When we enter the room Allison notices an older man already sitting there. She tells Jennifer (our nurse) "he has my chair!"...Jennifer says "you want me to ask him to move?"...Allison just laughs and says she's kidding (but really she's not, she wants that chair!). :) But being the kind, gentle people that we are, we don't drag the old man out of "our" chair, we just make do with another chair. The only problem is we're now given the "jinx'ed" chair. The last 2 times we were here, patients in this chair had major problems, one even was sent to the hospital...we cross our fingers and say another prayer! Everything went fine in the "jinx'ed" chair and after a little less than 3 hours she's finished.

She's really felt great the last 2 days, we've joked a lot, laughed a lot and cried just a little...a good couple of days. Tomorrow she gets her Neulasta shot...the shot that costs more than my car and that is supposed to keep her white blood count from dropping too low. Last time the side effects were minimal, I pray this time is the same. Later this week probably won't be as good as the last couple of days have been, but we store up enough love and energy during the good days to get us through the bad ones.

Prayer works, we're living, breathing witnesses of that fact. We can finally see a light at the end of this trial. God has been faithful through it all, He said to trust Him. We did so to the best of our ability...and still do...

FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I never did understand what it meant for a golfer to yell FOUR but I had something in common with Mr. Golfer today when we confirmed with Dr. Christman that Allison will only be needing 4 chemo treatments. I wanted to yell it down the hall! We kind of felt like that was going to be the case, but it feels so much better when you actually hear the doctor tell you that! Its like it becomes "official" or something.

So, we now have a goal to shoot for! Her freshmen and sophomore treatments went as well as could be expected and the junior (3rd) treatment is scheduled for Tuesday, February, 8 at 9am. I'm sure next week will be sort of a drag, the other 2 treatments left a lot to be desired in terms of overall livelihood that first week. I find myself praying for those whose road hasn't been quite as smooth as our's. It must be devastating on them and their families. Father, place a special blessing upon each one even as I type this.

The events of the morning were somewhat humorous...when I pushed the button on the elevator to go up the door immediately opened and 2 women were already in there. I'm guessing they had just pushed the button as we turned the corner. She simply looked at me and pressed the button again to close the door in my face without letting us on! "Oh no she didn't just do that"! I told Allison I was going to punch her when we got upstairs but, being the gentleman that I am, I decided not to hit an old lady today (not that I couldn't have taken her!). I watched her walk into the bathroom and thought about standing at the door and scaring her when she came out...again though, being a gentleman... :)

We found out Allison had BC (still don't like saying it) on a Friday. Today, Friday, we found out there's a light at the end of this ugly tunnel. This weekend will certainly be better than that one in September was. God is good and faithful...He is Jehovah Rapha (the God who heals!)...